As we’ve already reported, there are rumors of Apple’s plans to create a gold iPhone 5S. While we won’t be the ones to judge whether or not this is a smart move by Apple, we can give you 5 ridiculous reasons why you may feel the need to make this your next iPhone purchase.

gold iPhone 5S

1. It might have 128GB of memory
We’ve all seen the evolution of memory on Apple products. Imagine a world with 5GB of memory? Yeah, it happened. Although we cannot confirm the validity of the rumor that the gold iPhone will have 128GB of memory, it’s fun to poke fun at. Now try to imagine a world with that much memory? You can continue to take thousands of meal pics and never run out of storage room again!

2. Because it’s pretty
Gold is flashy. It’s stylish, sophisticated, shiny and sleek. People don’t own gold jewelry, clothing or cars to blend in. This luxurious metal is only donned by those who want attention and want to prove their superior socioeconomic status. And if you want to show people how much you care for those materialistic signs of status, you’ve got to get this phone. If you don’t, people will forever assume you are a mere middle classer. The horror!

3. You can cover it with a case
Anyone who owns an expensive piece of technology, be it an iPhone or any other pricy gadget, knows how important it is to protect these items. While the technology is improving and devices are getting more durable, they’ve still yet to achieve indestructible status. So, if you’ve got an iPhone, we’re willing to bet you’ve got a case on it as well. So of COURSE you’d need a gold iPhone, because what would look better underneath that clunky case of yours?

4. It is a magnet
Ok, not literally. We’re talking chick magnet (or dude magnet). With the rapid progression of technology in today’s world, geeky tech enthusiasts – dare we say nerds – are climbing the social status ladder. They’re moving away from the weird nerdy stereotype and into a new typecast representative of the trendiness of technology. Tech enthusiasts are becoming synonymous with savvyness, attractiveness. If you’ve got the gold iPhone, you’re smart and cool. You won’t see any magnetic qualities on the other iPhones, that’s for sure.

5. You will absorb its coolness
It’s nearly impossible to distinguish the difference between an iPhone 4 and a 4s at first glance. With the introduction of the iPhone 5, its sleek, thin design and larger screen made it easier to tell if someone was cool enough to have the latest model. With the gold iPhone, it’ll be easier than ever to tell if you’re cool. The gold iPhone itself won’t just be cool. It will exude coolness, share those cool properties with its handler. That flashy gold mini computer will be beaming coolness for miles. And that’s all you really need to fool everyone.

This article is entirely satirical. We cannot confirm that the gold iPhone will possess chick or dude magnet qualities.

What do you think of the rumor of the gold iPhone? Would you get one? Why?