something that i need to share. - Page 3 - iPhone 3G

kokogirl · 07-16-2008, 02:48 AM

Sam, I am glad to see you post because I missed you around here. I am sad to read about how sad you are.

You cannot control other people and how they act. You only can control yourself. And if you are having trouble controlling yourself, you may need professional help. I say may because as a teen you are going through a lot of hormonal changes which you cannot control, and that is is normal. The cutting, however, is not good (which you know). Neither is drinking or drug use.

I do not know enough about cutting to give you advise on that. I have spent many a night drunk and I now prefer to not feel hungover and sick the next day (or embarrassed about my drunken behavior) so I do not drink much nowadays.

Choosing to hang with friends who do not drink or use drugs is a choice you can make to control your surroundings. You cannot control who your friends date. (I remember my heart breaking in HS because my close friend dated a guy that I had a huge crush on).

Choosing to go to class and do your homework is a choice you can make. I think you will feel better about yourself when you treat yourself with respect and importance. You deserve respect and you are important. Eat right, get enough sleep, go to class. Do what you know are the right things and you will feel a little bit better. (Numbing your emotional pain with skipping class and drinking will only make you feel worse about yourself).

I am sorry that you are sad and hurting. But if that girl is dating a girl, you are not the person for her! I think your sadness is deeper than a problem with one girl. Maybe it is normal teenage stuff, maybe it is worse than that. It may be a good idea to at least see a counselor of some sort.

I have said it before: I like you Sam, and you are a good guy. I think you need to hear that more often and even tell yourself that more often. I am here if you need to "talk" more.

OJsakila · 07-16-2008, 03:10 AM

Sam. Pm me please. After reading koko's post, I went and re read this thread.

On an outside note, disregarding my rep here, I can offer some help. My posts here are of an adult nature. My apology thread, some months ago (which I'm sure you remember), was instigated by the fact that I realized that I had said things to a young man thinking and assumng he was an adult as myself. That young man was you. But you already know that. Pm me. What do you have to loose? Pm me.

I WANT TO HELP.

iphoneconnie · 07-16-2008, 03:41 AM

Beautifully said Lisa, Sam please read and really listen to her post.

aggieman · 07-16-2008, 03:59 AM

Sam,

Read and really listen to what lisa, connie, and everyone is saying here. There's not much else I can add other than you are an intelligent guy that seems to have a really big heart. It would be a regrettable waste for you to waste your life over one girl. This may be a bit personal but I um slept with my first girlfriend at 12 years old. She was 14. When she went to high school and started dating a football player I thought my life was over. But it wasn't and I think I've had a pretty happy and fulfilling life. I actually ran into that girl and I'm glad I ended up where I'm at and not with her. Not a quality individual at all. Not to talk to you as a kid because you are very much a mature guy,but y'all are young. Everything about you and what you like will in many ways change over the coming years. You have a bright future. Don't let it go to waste. As always I think you can pm any of us. If you wanna talk man let me know I'll give ya my number. I'm always available.

Hayesimus · 07-16-2008, 04:42 AM

hey Sam. I'm terribly sorry for what you've been going through. I will post more when I am home, but for now, I will say this. To move on and move forward, you must get over this girl. I have been in your exact sake shoes and it is just the worst. The best thing to do is isolate yourself from her. Tell them you need space apart. Like literally zero contact until you suddenly realize that you aren't thinking of her every single time you want to text someone or whatever you know? Out of sight out of mind. And you will get over her and you will grow because of it. Then you can even salvage the friendship at a later time. Then you will be of a sound mind and clear head so you can explain to her why you had to have the break. If she is a true friend then she'll understand.

Saverino · 07-16-2008, 10:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hayesimus

hey Sam. I'm terribly sorry for what you've been going through. I will post more when I am home, but for now, I will say this. To move on and move forward, you must get over this girl. I have been in your exact sake shoes and it is just the worst. The best thing to do is isolate yourself from her. Tell them you need space apart. Like literally zero contact until you suddenly realize that you aren't thinking of her every single time you want to text someone or whatever you know? Out of sight out of mind. And you will get over her and you will grow because of it. Then you can even salvage the friendship at a later time. Then you will be of a sound mind and clear head so you can explain to her why you had to have the break. If she is a true friend then she'll understand.

Sam,

Hayes' advice really does work. I've done this before and it really helped me. You ought to try it too.

themanofthedark · 07-16-2008, 11:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by themanofthedark

Jillian is a past cutter, and between the three of us, (carissa, jillian and myself) we all swore to each other to not cut anymore, and i have kept that promise.

.......................................

aggieman · 07-16-2008, 12:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by themanofthedark

.......................................

Glad you re-emphasized that. Please please please do not ever give up on that promise. But even more don't let yourself fall into depression over one girl. Blow her off and show her she is the one that's missing out.

Iceblinkluck · 07-16-2008, 01:19 PM

I don't really post on these boards. I read all the posts for this thread and only one person told you to get professional help and medication. I think it is important to realize that cutting and depression are real physical illnesses and need some kind of intervention. I am not saying that you will go see a shrink and suddenly your life will be glorious, but you should find a professional who you can really trust and talk to regularly. It may take many tries to find the right person but don't give up. Find a professional psychologist to talk to regularly, and a psychiatrist to give you medications. I have been seeing a psychologist for over 3 years but it has really helped me.

Perhaps you have already tried medical help, or perhaps your circumstances don't allow it. But if you are able to see someone who can help you, then please do (or please try again).

The mind is such an incredibly powerful thing. To say you can stop seeing or thinking of someone you love, or stop cutting yourself, is really difficult. You need outside help by objective professionals.

The advice everyone gave you is great, this is just something else to add. You sound like an incredible young man and you can make your life great.

Hayesimus · 07-16-2008, 01:58 PM

for those suggesting professional help. It doesn't work for everyone. In the affairs of love, science will not be yielding an answer. All they will do is drug him up. That would seem to be just as bad to me.

What I was referring to earlier is that I too went into a pretty severe depression after things didn't work out for me romantically. I thought I could get over her, and just be friends, but the more I was around her I would just think that I'll never be happy unless I'm with her. I was miserable. Wouldn't eat, wouldn't do anything except for lay in bed when i was off work. I had moments of what looked like joy when i was around others but as soon as i was by myself i just cried. I told myself that nobody loved me. Not my family, not my friends, and not her. And honestly, I told myself that I didn't even care if the rest of them loved me if only she would. I eventually had to go through DETOX. I quit speaking to her for a while. Like months. I cried a few times. And thought about her all the time. Eventually one day, I realized that I didn't think about her anymore. Like before I'd think of her everytime I wanted to text someone about something. She was the first person that came to mind. Then suddenly she never came to mind. Just because I'd avoided her enough that I finally got over her through her absence.

Its a crappy way to handle things. But she and I still speak often enough now to one another. But now I'm not pining for her and I'm even able to entertain attractions with others. You just have to MAKE yourself get over her. You will look back and think wow that was tough, but i'm so glad i did it. And you will grow as a person because of it.

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