Something I need to share...

[Hayesimus]

So last night, I'm on my way to my locker to put my phone awasy since they are anal about phones on the production floor. So then my phone buzzes. I look and its my mom. I answer it. She then proceeds to tell me that my father is in big trouble. See, a while back he was drunk as always and beat a woman with a candle holder. He could have gone to prison but somehow got out of it. Well, my mom tells me that this week, he beat up his girlfriend. I guess she called the cops and when they got there to I suppose arrest him, he had locked himself in her bedroom. When the officer made his way into the room, my dad went at him with a sharp object(either a razor blade or a carpenter's knife) and cut him at least once.

The location of the cut is still not clear to me. My mom said he cut an officer's throat. The officer is alive so that is good. But I was doing a little background check and called a friend of mine who works with a cop friend of ours at his second job. Well, he didn't work there anymore. But she told me that my dad was in the ER on like monday night. She said he was there when she got there and that he was gone pretty soon after. She also said an officer was in Tuesday night for multiple cuts from a carpenter's knife. He had to have stitches. Not sure if this was the officer that dealt with my dad, but it fits. She said she'd let me know if she heard anything.

So... anyway, back to my phone call with my mom...

She said that he would probably be going to prison since he assualted and injured a cop. Probably for a long time. My response? "Best place for him."

So, I'm really conflicted right now. I haven't spoken to my father in 8 years or so. I'm talked about this before but to recap, he is an alcoholic, a drug user, just an all around sorry person. He has been arrested for drunk driving, indecent exposure(peeing on a gas pump), public intox(its hereditary i guess), assault, battery, drug use... etc. Well, there was a restraining order at my mom's but she let him come over and then one day he was really drunk and he threatened me. SO i vowed to never speak to him again and told my mom i'd call the cops on him if i ever saw him again. And I did one night when he came into where i was working at the time. But that's not important.

What is important is that, I don't want to ever talk to him again. I've said that, and I mean that. But when I heard about what happened, I started thinking about when he'll be in front of the judge. He won't have a single person there in his defense. No one. I couldn't imagine how that would feel. My biggest fear is that one day i'll be all alone and no one will be there for me. Its probably why I let people walk all over me so much. Anyway, the more I thought about this, I started to remember times when I'd be talking to him on the phone telling him that I didn't want to come visit him for whatever reason. Like when I was just a boy. And I can remember the hurt in his voice.

And I guess now I feel like I kinda am to blame for this mess of a person. Because I turned my back on him. I was his only child. I was his world... when he was sober. I know I made the right decision. I can't change it. I don't want to change it. I won't ever speak to him again. I just can't.

I'm actually a little annoyed that my mom even told me. She always does this crap and I tell her he is just a stranger to me and that he doesn't affect me, but a considerable portion of my night was spent thinking about it... So... yeah... I'm a little confused right now. But anyway, so I guess it was just the wrong week for us du Plantis' to cross the law... :S

[JoeT]

You have to remember that he made the bed; the fact that he has to lie in it is no reflection of you.

I can't speak to your situation or your beliefs, but I can say that someone who feels as if they have nothing doesn't let anything stop them from descending further along whatever dark path is before them. Letting your dad know that reconciliation is a possibility might do wonders in getting him to get his life on track.

Of course, some people are too pigheaded to heed such a wake-up call - and there's not much you can do for them. Sometimes you have to accept that if someone really is hell-bent on screwing their life up, you can't do a whole lot. Ever watch that show Intervention?

Sending some happy thoughts your way... - Joe

[Hayesimus]

Originally Posted by JoeT

You have to remember that he made the bed; the fact that he has to lie in it is no reflection of you.

I can't speak to your situation or your beliefs, but I can say that someone who feels as if they have nothing doesn't let anything stop them from descending further along whatever dark path is before them. Letting your dad know that reconciliation is a possibility might do wonders in getting him to get his life on track.

Of course, some people are too pigheaded to heed such a wake-up call - and there's not much you can do for them. Sometimes you have to accept that if someone really is hell-bent on screwing their life up, you can't do a whole lot. Ever watch that show Intervention?

Sending some happy thoughts your way... - Joe

thanks for the response. I have made up my mind on the issue, and the reasoning is that it was based on an extensive history of second and third and fourth chances. He is beyond redemption. My feelings are that when I severed ties with him, that should've been his wake up call. He could've cleaned his act up. Gotten sober. Established a residence. Gotten a good job. But so far he's done nothing but live off others and drink and drug his life away. So yeah... but I mean I still can't help but think about it. Its only natural. I often wonder what it is like for all these people who have two parents under one roof that care about each other and provide support for them... i've never had that and it is foreign to me..

[macgirl]

i'm trying to get something done at work, but i just wanted to say that i don't think you're being unreasonable at all, hayes. based on what you've described, i would feel the same way about my dad if he acted that way and hurt others as he has, and i would not include him in my life in any way, shape, or form. but to the part about how you feel you turned your back on him and that you may partly be at fault - that is so not true. he is your father - he was responsible for your well-being as you grew up and as the adult, he's supposed to know better and guide you to adulthood. he didn't do that. end of story. in fact, you grew up to be a smart man with a good head on his shoulders who knows wrong from right despite what your father did, and that speaks to your strength and character quite a bit.

if you feel like opening up the door for a reconciliation in the future, that's your choice. i've had some fall-outs with my parents that have been pretty bad and vowed that i would limit contact, but things can change over time. but i can understand if you don't see it as a possibility at any time in the near future, and that sounds like the best decision at this time.

[free2rhyme590]

I completely understand your reasoning... A person can only be given so many chances... Until you're the one feeling dumb because you've opened up so many opportunities to be vulnerable and getting hurt... What's the saying "fool me once shame on me fool me twice shame on you" I think you gave him as many chances as you could but he just didnt take those chances to better himself not only for his own self but for his son...

[iCafe]

Ok Yeah .. im not reading more than the first sentence..
anyway... iCafe FTW!!

[OJsakila]

Originally Posted by iCafe

Ok Yeah .. im not reading more than the first sentence..
anyway... iCafe FTW!!

I have to agree, Sir. As much as I like Hayes, I'm starting to think he's offering up alot of personal info. As vunerable as he thinks he makes himself feel, it is I that feels vunerable after reading these terrible things. I do feel for his hardships but I'm starting to regret ever envolving myself by reading them in the first place.
I have no answer for you, mr Hayes. I would stay away from the negative vibes, myself! Why put your hand back in the fire.. AGAIN?! I do know that I would/will help you in any way... Now that I am envolved...

Its just that you're making it real difficult for me
to act in a flamatory and confrontational way like I like to do... J/k

[Hondamaker]

Hayes, you can't blame yourself for other ppl's actions. Like John says, he made his bed, he's gonna have to lie in it.

And yo would think by now that iRoid would keep his comments to himself if they are not constructive.

OJ's right, you are being a little too revealing in your personal life. Ppl can and will use that to hurt you if they had the desire.

All in all, you're a good person who shouldnt blame himself for other ppl's actions.

[Lincoln]

Originally Posted by Hondamaker

Hayes, you can't blame yourself for other ppl's actions. Like John says, he made his bed, he's gonna have to lie in it.

And yo would think by now that iRoid would keep his comments to himself if they are not constructive.

OJ's right, you are being a little too revealing in your personal life. Ppl can and will use that to hurt you if they had the desire.

All in all, you're a good person who shouldnt blame himself for other ppl's actions.

Joe, not John.

Hayes - plus one to everything said above; you shouldn't be blaming yourself for things your father does. But OJ and Honda are right; you don't want to be too revealing, or it may backfire.

- John

[iCafe]

Originally Posted by Hondamaker

And yo would think by now that iRoid would keep his comments to himself

Grow up Kid