Just remembered a funny story about suicide... no joke.

[iCafe]

You know what, that reminds me of this time i got peanut butter
from the local guy at the corner store but i went home and found out it was expired so as you can tell i was obviously upset, well i brought it in the next day and i was like :hey buddy!! this peanut butter is freakin expired ova here!!
he said : What?
i said its expired then he said , whats expired then i said the peanut butter he said what about the jelly i said i didnt buy no jelly sir just the damn post dated peanut butter which is currently collecting mildew i presume. Well he took the peanut butter back but he didnt let me exchange it or get a refund he told me it was a lesson learned for me to check experation dates. well this made me upset rite, so the next day me and shirley make our way to the corner store but this time we have a watergun filled with urine. i tell the clerk i say, open your mouth.. he said what?? and then i sprayed shirley in the eye with the urine .. lmao man she was not expecting that at all i meann she looked all sorts of suprised on her face then i said , woman you didnt see that coming did you , then she stabbed me with her pocketknife
im all like wtf are you serious?? its just urine .. i mean come on im bleeding ova here
so then im all bleeding on the floor of the store its a real riot everyone is laughing because i took a can of peaunt butter and i opened it and then the ambulance came well the clerk watched me go away in the ambulance with the unpayed for peaunut butter and i yelled at him were even now sucker!! and he said , dude ur gonna die i dont care about peanut butter then i was all like , WHATEVER!!! hahahaha
so then like 3 weeks later he comes to visit me in the hospital and he's laughing so i say whats so funny corner store clerk?? and he replys that peaunt butter you took was the expired one im all like damn you man
and hes laughing , im laughing and well Shirley isnt laughing
because shirley wasnt there to get the joke, so why would she even be laughing .. there is an urban legend in the future year of 2058 that there was a girl named shirley at the corner store who smelled like urine.

[Alexander]

In class my teacher was sharing how her friend was mauled by a lion in Africa. She said they identified it was her friend because they found her jaw bone in the plains. The ditzy blonde girl next to me shouted "Jaw Dropping!".

[Buffy]

Originally Posted by Napoleon_PhoneApart

Okay, here's one of my most embarrassing moments:

When I was in the Air Force Band (I think I was in Europe at the time -- it doesn't really matter), we flew into a small air station enroute to our destination. The terminal had a very small snack shop, and we, being musicians, lined up dutifully to procure our caloric waste for the afternoon. Anyhoo, the guy in front of me plopped a bill down on the counter in front of the cashier and said something like, "That's a ten."
Well, I chimed in and said, "He knows that's a ten -- he's not blind..."
The cashier responded, "As a matter of fact, I am."

I tried so damned hard to melt into the surroundings, but it didn't work. Me and my big mouth...

There -- I'm glad I finally got that out. Twenty years of wasted therapy...

HAHA! But seriously, Naps, what are the chances of having a blind clerk? Someone should've made a wisecrack to help you out of that one.

[coasts]

Originally Posted by iCafe

You know what, that reminds me of this time i got peanut butter
from the local guy at the corner store but i went home and found out it was expired so as you can tell i was obviously upset, well i brought it in the next day and i was like :hey buddy!! this peanut butter is freakin expired ova here!!
he said : What?
i said its expired then he said , whats expired then i said the peanut butter he said what about the jelly i said i didnt buy no jelly sir just the damn post dated peanut butter which is currently collecting mildew i presume. Well he took the peanut butter back but he didnt let me exchange it or get a refund he told me it was a lesson learned for me to check experation dates. well this made me upset rite, so the next day me and shirley make our way to the corner store but this time we have a watergun filled with urine. i tell the clerk i say, open your mouth.. he said what?? and then i sprayed shirley in the eye with the urine .. lmao man she was not expecting that at all i meann she looked all sorts of suprised on her face then i said , woman you didnt see that coming did you , then she stabbed me with her pocketknife
im all like wtf are you serious?? its just urine .. i mean come on im bleeding ova here
so then im all bleeding on the floor of the store its a real riot everyone is laughing because i took a can of peaunt butter and i opened it and then the ambulance came well the clerk watched me go away in the ambulance with the unpayed for peaunut butter and i yelled at him were even now sucker!! and he said , dude ur gonna die i dont care about peanut butter then i was all like , WHATEVER!!! hahahaha
so then like 3 weeks later he comes to visit me in the hospital and he's laughing so i say whats so funny corner store clerk?? and he replys that peaunt butter you took was the expired one im all like damn you man
and hes laughing , im laughing and well Shirley isnt laughing
because shirley wasnt there to get the joke, so why would she even be laughing .. there is an urban legend in the future year of 2058 that there was a girl named shirley at the corner store who smelled like urine.

wait, they still use the name shirley in 2058?

[aknightstale41]

I guess this is now the most embarrassing moment thread.
Mine has to be when i once worked in a retail store, and it was holloween, customers would come in dressed in all kinds of crazy costumes, well this one woman came in dressed in a really bizaar dress with a mind numbing pattern on it and more makeup on her face than a Vango painting. She came up to the counter to check out and i said to her.."wow, what a great costume, who are supposed to be?" She gave me such a death stare that i had to look away or i would have turned to stone, and said, im not wearing a costume you a$$hole and left her things on the counter and stormed out the store. I just wanted to crawl up in a corner and die lol.
Funny now that i think about it.

[Buffy]

Just thought of another verbal fax paus I had. I have a weird habit of automatically 'naming' someone when I see them. I'll look at someone and think, "He looks like a Jeff" or "She looks like a Kristi".

I went on a date with someone in college who so resembled a "Todd" to me. I'd already 'named' him and couldn't get the name out of my mind. When the date was over he walked me to my door and handed me some roses from behind his back (cheesy now, but it was cute then) and thanked me for the date. I said, "Thank you so much, Todd, and I had a great time, etc etc"....His name was Chris. His face fell and I was mortified. I will now never forget that his name was Chris.

[Buffy]

Originally Posted by aknightstale41

I guess this is now the most embarrassing moment thread.
Mine has to be when i once worked in a retail store, and it was holloween, customers would come in dressed in all kinds of crazy costumes, well this one woman came in dressed in a really bizaar dress with a mind numbing pattern on it and more makeup on her face than a Vango painting. She came up to the counter to check out and i said to her.."wow, what a great costume, who are supposed to be?" She gave me such a death stare that i had to look away or i would have turned to stone, and said, im not wearing a costume you a$$hole and left her things on the counter and stormed out the store. I just wanted to crawl up in a corner and die lol.
Funny now that i think about it.

I nearly died laughing!! Be thankful she wasn't into voodoo or you'd probably be dead by now.

[aknightstale41]

lol buffy....she looked like she fell into a vat of rainbow colored Botox.....scary

[projectdarkside]

Dude I would have an Heart-Attack if I said that man!!
-"Shocking"