I don't know what to do.

[TarekElsakka]

I feel like I am going crazy nowadays. I am facing a lot of problems that are too late to fix, and it's my fault from the start. Of course you all know about my university issues, but they just elevated. I haven't asked my teachers what score I need to get in the finals, but I'm pretty sure even if I score 100 (A+) I still will not make it. I'm going to their office on Tuesday to ask, but I already know what they're going to say. I told both my parents every thing that I am in and my Dad just does not want me to get out of this university, he says "I've never heard of any one dropping out of the American University in Cairo".. I know it's the best and every thing, and if I graduate from there I'll have a 99% better chance of getting a high paying job than from any other university but I just don't know. He just can't imagine me dropping from a university like that that would come once in a life time, it would kill him and I can't live with that. My family is every thing to me, and I just don't want the day of them not being there any more to EVER come, and in the same time I hate disappointing them. I don't know why I am such a prick (sorry for using this word), I do want to change and improve but I just don't know what to do. I wish my best friend was better than I am so he would advise me and put me on the right track (I really don't like my family saying that to me since that's like a scenario that they tell every one, it doesn't really help much) I know that sounds dumb but that's how I am.

I don't want to bother you with all my problems but the thing is.. my Dad is not in a good situation either. He is the 2nd in charge in the company he works for, but now every one is fighting him.. it's like a war of who wants to take his place, you know? If that happens, that would be the end for me because I just can't even think of how sad and miserable my Dad would be if he quits the job he has been in for over 15 years now. In the same time, I don't want him to pay all that for me in that university, and even pay for me to take this semester again since I'm failing it.

What do you guys think I should do? Would it be better if I transfer to another (or even the same) university but abroad? I am not sure I'd be able to do so, but in the same time I want to. I've never left my parents behind so I don't know if I'd be able to make it, I didn't want to mention this but I am emo (nah jk I am just sensitive) and I think there's a possibility for me to cry if I left my family behind and went abroad.. but who knows?

Sorry to bother you with all that but I just don't know who to talk to. My best friend? He keeps telling me to try harder and stuff, the problem is that he did not even pass the SAT until this day and didn't even apply to any universities, so yeah, he's more of a failure than I was and ever will be, but I still like him very much, he's cool, it's just academic problems that he's facing. My parents? been there but I couldn't really open my heart and tell them every thing. A psychiatrist? Nah, I don't want to go that far, plus the only one I know is a very good friend of my Dad's so I'm not sure if I'm going to be comfortable with that, or even with any other psychiatrist.

[PepeRB29]

success can be measured in many ways and is not always due to success in education (your friend may very well be a loser, but not because he doesn't go to school). all i can say is talk is cheap. when you go in to talk to your teachers, don't take no for an answer, and every time you want to slack off, think about how much you are letting your parents and yourself down. if you really care as much as you say you do, that will be motivation enough. suck it up and grow up.

[TarekElsakka]

Peper, thanks for replying. I know success isn't measured by education, but in my family and the environment around me it is.. trust me. I wanted a full time job and I asked my Dad, but he said why work and waste time that can be better for you and can build up your future? I'm not going to live forever and I want to see you graduate and have a nice life ahead of you, and all those words really killed me deeply, but how shallow am I? Damn, I am starting to really hate myself, I didn't know I was such a horrible guy. Man, since you seem experienced and every thing (I know you are) do you think it would be better if I just leave the old me and every thing here and move to another university there? Stay in the dorms, get used to the "do it yourself" enivronment? Do you think that would be better? I think I can manage there, if people just won't be too horrible since I am Arab (yeah I am thinking of moving to an uni in the States). And do you think any good university (that is accredited worldwide) would accept a guy with a score of 1360 (almost English only since I am bad in Math) in the SAT Reasoning Test?

[PepeRB29]

Peper, thanks for replying. I know success isn't measured by education, but in my family and the environment around me it is.. trust me. I wanted a full time job and I asked my Dad, but he said why work and waste time that can be better for you and can build up your future? I'm not going to live forever and I want to see you graduate and have a nice life ahead of you, and all those words really killed me deeply, but how shallow am I? Damn, I am starting to really hate myself, I didn't know I was such a horrible guy. Man, since you seem experienced and every thing (I know you are) do you think it would be better if I just leave the old me and every thing here and move to another university there? Stay in the dorms, get used to the "do it yourself" enivronment? Do you think that would be better? I think I can manage there, if people just won't be too horrible since I am Arab (yeah I am thinking of moving to an uni in the States). And do you think any good university (that is accredited worldwide) would accept a guy with a score of 1360 (almost English only since I am bad in Math) in the SAT Reasoning Test?

honestly tarek, this is what i would do if i was in your situation or if i had a kid in your situation (i know imagine me having a kid lol).

take a semester off and get a ****ty job. whatever you hate doing, be it working with the public, fast food, construction. anything that will make you hate your life every day. the problem you are having is that you are complacent. you are a smart guy, i'm not questioning that at all, i can tell by your posts. you just have had most everything handed to you your whole life, and now that you have to work for something, you aren't quite sure how to.

by getting a ****ty miserable job, you will learn to appreciate what you have, and it will motivate you in the future to do good (because if you don't, you very well may have to work that job or one like it for the rest of your life). you seem to already not want to disappoint your parents, but for some reason that is just not enough. in the end, you have to do things for yourself, because that is what matters most (not meant to sound selfish). i don't think transferring is a bad idea for you, however i know a lot of universities here in the US have a large party atmosphere as a distraction, and if you change institutions without fixing your present problems, you will fall back into the same crap. one thing that always motivated me while in undergrad was to take it personal. if i didn't get the highest grade on a test it pissed me off and i really got mad about it. this made me study harder for the next one and ultimately led me to where i am today.

best of luck man, and if you need any advice about schools or stuff like that feel free to hit me up, i have been to a few so far and know a lot of people all over the states.

[TarekElsakka]

Thanks again Peper, I really appreciate it. I swear you don't know how much I want to work, but it's really hard finding a job here as I am 17, I wish Egypt was like Europe and other advanced places. So I guess the only option I have is transferring some where else and work/study in the same time, maybe I'll have my schedule set and myself straight by then. One more problem I haven't mentioned is that I am not a tall guy, I'm just 1.68 CM and people bugging on me would be the worst thing ever. Blame the media, not me, but that's what I see in movies lol.

[kisstine]

Tarek, I think Pepe makes some valid points about what got you into this position, but I never advise kids to take a semester off because I've seen it go badly too many times. If you want to see how bad life could get, find a charity that serves a disadvantaged population and volunteer your time.

The plan to go in and get some advice from your professors is good. They know far better than any of us how your particular university deals with students who are not experiencing success. Be honest. Tell them that you recognize the mistakes you've made and that you're ready to start facing life's challenges with more maturity.

Transferring to another university, unless you really don't think that you can handle the academic rigor of the school you're already attending, seems more like attempting to run away from your troubles than a potential solution. If they'll let you stay, I think that is the right thing to do.

All of that said, you're seventeen years old. Of COURSE you're going to make mistakes. That's part of growing up. Use them as learning experiences and you'll come out of it all just fine.

[TarekElsakka]

Thanks kisstine and I get your point, that's true, it seems like running away from troubles but in the same time I think it would be a better opportunity for me to leave every thing and every one behind and start taking care of my studies a bit, they are only a couple of semesters then I'll go back you know. You're also right about that I am 17 years old, but none of the people in my classes are failing and none of the university students in family are either. You know, my Mom keeps comparing me to others who are even in worse universities and how they are doing what they are supposed to, making their parents happy and proud of them, while I am not.. do you know how bad that can be for some one like myself? It just kills every thing, really. So now I have two choices: 1) Transfer to a university abroad and manage on my own, 2) Just re-take the semester here and continue (although that will make me feel bad and will make me feel like my Dad's paying his money FOR NOTHING, what if that happens again? I don't know, I am a weird guy).

[kisstine]

The reality is that you are redoing this semester no matter where you do it..

Additionally, I don't see how it could possibly not be too late to apply and be accepted to transfer elsewhere at this late date.

[TarekElsakka]

When I graduated from high school, I took the TOEFL test in order to get accepted at AUC and I applied July 20th and they accepted me. I am not sure if it's too late but who knows? I think if I transfer to a branch of the same university (AUC) but some where else (like AUS in Sharjah or AUD in Dubai) it'll be okay. They told me they have like 3 branches over the States so I'm going to have to ask about that.

[kenneth]

tarek it's black and white. Stop being a damn kid and grow the f**k up. I cannot stand kids that have had everything handed to them and they just fail at everything because they do not know what work is. Look up the word PRIDE and try to get some for yourself and your family. As if right now your just a statistic and I can only hope you can change and get your stuff straight.

[Europa]

Wow, that was pretty rude Kenneth.

Tarek, you are still very young. I didn't care about my grades when I was 17. I graduated from High School when I was 18 and worked at a fast food restaurant. My parents made a point to make my siblings and I work for what we wanted and needed so we would learn independence and appreciation for those things. Since I had no college fund, I joined the US Air Force, served four years and got the GI Bill. I was 22 when I got out and started college. I matured a lot while I was in the military and was ready to start school and nothing was going to stop me from getting good grades. I worked hard and graduated with a 3.8 GPA in Nursing, there's no way that would have happened if I had gone to school when I was 17.

It sounds to me like you're too young to have this motivation yet, and there is no rush. I'd take a little time off and just work and then go back to school when your motivated and ready to get better grades. I can tell you are very intelligent from your posts, more than most 17 year olds I know here in the states. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Do you know yet what type of degree you would like to get?

[patrickj]

Tarek. Sorry you're struggling so much with this stuff. I think Pepe and kisstine have both offered you some good food for thought and options to think about.

Similar to Pepe's take a crappy job approach, and I know this is very cliche sounding, but also just spend some time putting your stuff in context - it sounds as if you and your family are healthy - no major illnesses or similar - that's a huge thing. And it sounds as if you're fairlly comfortable financially - that's also a huge thing, especially these days. And you've got a family you're close to and get along with - another huge thing. When you're getting caught up in self pity, take just a couple minutes and think about how many people don't have any of those huge things going for them - and think on how much worse things could be.

Then think 'yeah, **** it, I can cope with my stuff' and get on with doing that.

I think just wanting to switch Unis / locations to study in feels a little like running before you can walk. If you can't get your **** together at home, with a supportive family and all the rest, I don't think your odds increase - and very much doubt the financial burden on your dad decreases either - by going far away from your support system. Do a year at your current Uni, even if part of it is 'do-over stuff, prove you can get through that and do better and knuckle down. Then if you still have the urge, think about other places. That's my thought anyway ...

[TarekElsakka]

Tarek. Sorry you're struggling so much with this stuff. I think Pepe and kisstine have both offered you some good food for thought and options to think about.

Similar to Pepe's take a crappy job approach, and I know this is very cliche sounding, but also just spend some time putting your stuff in context - it sounds as if you and your family are healthy - no major illnesses or similar - that's a huge thing. And it sounds as if you're fairlly comfortable financially - that's also a huge thing, especially these days. And you've got a family you're close to and get along with - another huge thing. When you're getting caught up in self pity, take just a couple minutes and think about how many people don't have any of those huge things going for them - and think on how much worse things could be.

Then think 'yeah, **** it, I can cope with my stuff' and get on with doing that.

I think just wanting to switch Unis / locations to study in feels a little like running before you can walk. If you can't get your **** together at home, with a supportive family and all the rest, I don't think your odds increase - and very much doubt the financial burden on your dad decreases either - by going far away from your support system. Do a year at your current Uni, even if part of it is 'do-over stuff, prove you can get through that and do better and knuckle down. Then if you still have the urge, think about other places. That's my thought anyway ...

Thanks Patrick, you're right. I'm a very lucky person to have a supporting family and enough tuition money to plan for a good job in the future, that is true, and trust me I keep thanking God every day for what I am in. Egypt has a lot of poor people, I feel for them and I know them in person, and I know how their lives are. Well, I do have Diabetes but that's not an issue, I've had it since the age of 4 and I can manage it well. But if I don't plan well for my future, how am I supposed to pay for insulin? But I don't think about that much nowadays. I think I am going to do what you said, do a year here and if I still don't feel like I am independent enough to start my own life, I'll just switch to another one some where else, it doesn't really matter to me, but Australia or the US preferably. Thanks again Patrick and I wish you luck.

Wow, that was pretty rude Kenneth.

Tarek, you are still very young. I didn't care about my grades when I was 17. I graduated from High School when I was 18 and worked at a fast food restaurant. My parents made a point to make my siblings and I work for what we wanted and needed so we would learn independence and appreciation for those things. Since I had no college fund, I joined the US Air Force, served four years and got the GI Bill. I was 22 when I got out and started college. I matured a lot while I was in the military and was ready to start school and nothing was going to stop me from getting good grades. I worked hard and graduated with a 3.8 GPA in Nursing, there's no way that would have happened if I had gone to school when I was 17.

It sounds to me like you're too young to have this motivation yet, and there is no rush. I'd take a little time off and just work and then go back to school when your motivated and ready to get better grades. I can tell you are very intelligent from your posts, more than most 17 year olds I know here in the states. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Do you know yet what type of degree you would like to get?

Thanks for replying man. You know, I've told my Mom about the army and how it would get my stuff straight and make a man out of me, because I've had cousins there and I know how tough it is, it's actually where I wanted to go even before I start university. There problem is that I wear glasses and they only accept people with perfect eye sight.. I think. I'm glad you got every thing you wanted, and man 3.8 GPA that's a dream to me, that's awesome! Speaking of which, I'd like to get a degree in Political Science, which is what I'm majoring in. I'm not that interested in it yet, the problem is that I'm interested in NOTHING, but Political Science is one of the best options to me. A lot of my family members are in that field, and I'd like to follow their lead. People kept telling me "Don't go in something you don't want just because your family would like you to" but no, I believe I can make a good Politician in the future :laugh2:. Good luck with every thing man.

Thank you guys so much and good luck.

[The Apple]

Tarek, Kenneth told you in a roundabout way what you need to do. He was a little harsh, but maybe he felt that how you need to take this medicine. You are NOT taking this stuff seriously. Some people do not get the opportunity to take advantage of a situation that got handed to you.

What it boils down to is this......If you take the same road with life that you have taken with your education, your schooling is for naught anyway. You might as well just throw in the towel now, because if you take a job as passively as you have taken your school, you normaly get fired. Kenneth could have babied you a bit, but I don't think that is what you need now. (And apparently neither does Kenneth) If you are not going to take your studies seriously quit wasting your time. Quit wasting your parents money and emotions. (You know that they probably wanted you to take the opportunity seriously. Now that you haven't they are probably devistated.) Quit wasting your professors time. It's hard to give you advice not knowing how seriously you are going to take your future. I know we all would like to see you succeed.

[TarekElsakka]

Thanks buddy. I know that Kenneth's post is awesome, and that's exactly what I need. But some times when my parents are mad at me, they just take away my laptop and my phone, and money. I really really really HATE that. They used to do that (well my Mom to be honest) from 9th to 11th grade, then well, I became old enough not to have that happen to me but I know my Mom well, she'd do it even if I were married and with children lol. Kenneth is a great guy and I respect him very much, so yeah anything coming from him is alright. I am going to do better next semester, and I am going to try as hard as I can to get my stuff straight so I can stop getting distracted by other useless, unimportant stuff. Thanks again buddy and good luck!