The Movie: Juno , SUCKED!!!!

[iCafe]

http://i31.tinypic.com/24y1bit.jpg
EVERYONE convinces themselves they loved the movie
so that they don't feel STUPID.

[psylichon]

You just love to alienate yourself, doncha?

It's easy to do when you're wrong all the time, isn't it?

[iCafe]

You just love to alienate yourself, doncha?

It's easy to do when you're wrong all the time, isn't it?

You would like the movie...Thomas Dave (and i meant that in a condesending way) no offense

Hey! It's teens having sex and getting pregnant! There's extended dialogue about alt-rock bands! And a nerdy kid in running shorts! Plus a scene in a hospital with some crying! But it's happy crying!!

Really?

I can't possibly stand alone in detesting Fox Searchlight's surprise hit "Juno," the coming-of-age teen dramedy with a relentlessly annoying central character who is somehow stupid enough not to use protection and yet manages to command the vocabulary of a 50 year-old comedy writer-slash-Cornell humanities professor.

I mean, really?

It was early December, a blissful time when almost no one had heard of this film yet. Neither had I.

"You'll like it, it's a comedy. You like comedy," my friend said, pointing at my oversized David Letterman sweatshirt.

But then, for the next 96 minutes, as my film-going companion (along with the rest of the moderately-filled theater), laughed uproariously at the young white girl sarcastically claiming to be Morgan Freeman on her shiny plastic hamburger phone, I rolled my eyes and shifted in my seat. Little did I know that weeks down the line, the American public would make this pretentious, irritating16 year-old the second most beloved fictional protagonist next to Nicolas Cage looking for some more treasure.

Juno is a "misunderstood" high-school student who finds herself impregnated by (cue laugh track) the running geek who apparently owns no clothing other than sweatsocks and his team's uniform. Tedious scenes follow where Juno has to tell her parents and friends, in her appallingly self-righteous way, that she is with child. Confrontations with the track and field dork ensue, along with predictably uncomfortable episodes with the rich couple who wants to adopt Juno's
baby- awkward because Juno even further puffs up her bratty self to show how inappropriate she can be at all times. And because she is the lead character in a super progressive "indie" movie, no one ever slaps her. The prospective adoptive mother is played by Jennifer Garner, who
(sadly) refuses to utilize the ass-kicking skills she learned on the set of "Alias" to beat some sense into any of the other characters.
In that regard, Juno is lucky to be pregnant. Pregnant ladies, as a rule, should not get smacked by Jennifer Garner.

When the nerdy baby daddy turns cold on our poor pregnant alterna-teen, who of course, for the dramatic visual, continues to attend classes at eight months, I breathed a sigh of relief. Finally, someone who miraculously grew some common sense and walked away from this haughty, entitled know-it-all who conveniently erases those traits when it comes time for a kitchen table talk with Dad about true love, or an awkward exchange with the sonogram technician- that's when, lump in throat (!) Mommy comes to the rescue and dresses the ***** down.

I should have seen it coming. Everything from the "dude"-peppered screenplay on down to the teeth-clench inducing orange and green animated graphic that accosts my daily web activities reeks of cold film executive calculation.

"So, it's gonna have funky rock music, right?"

"Right! So people will know it's a 'funky, alternative' kind of movie."

"And an angry teen who talks back to her parents in hyper-literary language that could never come out of the mouth of a real 16 year-old."

"Exactly, that will make critics like it. But don't forget, eventually there's acceptance and crying! And someone has a baby!"

Critics, check. Suckers for rom-coms, check. Edgy teen pregnancy subject matter street cred, check. Michael Cera in running shorts, triple check.

So, it's not a "surprise" hit after all. It's almost as deliberately commercial as, well, National Treasure: Book of Secrets, quite frankly. Don't be fooled by the absence of Nic Cage and "'splosions."
I know I wasn't.

Despite its 0 for 3 status at the Golden Globes, the film will continue to make millions of dollars and collect a slew of other award nominations, maybe even a few major wins.

But I will never cave. I don't care what America says.

I still say this movie sucks, "Juno?"

[psylichon]

You're looking for reality? It's a comedy... you show me a realistic comedy, both in writing and in premise.

and your description of the lead character:

"appallingly self-righteous"

is just too good coming from you. Thanks for that one!

[psylichon]

And just to be fair, I think your review is both very funny and quite poignant in many respects. I'm not a film guy, so I will bow out here and let the real freaks chime in:

[iCafe]

Screenwriter, Cody Diablo tries too hard to be random that it becomes "randumb" in her portrayal of teens using their new fangled Internet-induced vernacular. For example, Juno's pedo-dreamgirl best friend saying, "Swear to blog?" in reaction to finding out about Juno's pregnancy. Do teens really talk like this? Are they that lame or am I already jaded from only 4 months of living here?

[acosmichippo]

holy crap... i totally agree with you.

i thought the dialog was terrible, and felt like i was watching a Lifetime movie.

I will say the Gas station scene was hilarious. After that, it was all down hill.

[psylichon]

"Swear to blog?"

I'll give you that. The back and forth is too quick and play-like. But it was funny. I dunno... I guess I don't expect much from my movies these days.

[TyWebb]

Terrible.... i couldnt agree more with almost everything iCafe said

[Hayesimus]

i didn't watch it. I don't watch bad movies. That's why Hippo and I never go to the movies together. (He doesn't have movie taste... shhhh... don't tell him i told ya so)



Also, this subject has already been covered in another movie that was actually pretty entertaining in my opinion. Saved with Mandy Moore and Macaulay Culkin. It was so funny and pretty sweet in most of the movie. Definitely should check it out. It's about a girl that gets pregnant but its more about her dealing with it in her church life so to speak. But its still a nice movie.

[acosmichippo]

you don't know if movies are bad until you watch them.

[mittenman]

you don't know if movies are bad until you watch them.

Well, I definitely watched this movie............

[connie]

I have Juno coming on my Netflix's next, maybe I will have such low expectations now that I may like it.

[OJsakila]

Thank goodness my brain was big enough to know better. There was never even the most remote of chances that I would ever think about going to such an idiotic movie in the first place.

Thanks again, Hollywood, for the continuing examples of unoriginal and pitifully pathetic crap you pass off as
entertainment.

[freakydeaky dutch bastard]

Love the review, iCafe. Stellar prose.

[jjvaldez]

i too agree with this, i cafe. it is not the movie that people make it out to be, this is a movie that could have only happened to white people, had this happened to be a mexican or black person this movie would not have made it, as much as it sadly did..

[callisto9]

Why do I get the feeling iCafe's review of this movie was copied and pasted from somewhere else? :wink:

Meh. I liked it. Of course I didn't analyze the poop out it, so maybe that's why. I'm curious for those of you who hated it, what's the best movie you've seen lately? Just curious.

[acosmichippo]

well, its ****tiness had nothing to do with the race of the characters, IMO.

[freakydeaky dutch bastard]

I'm curious for those of you who hated it, what's the best movie you've seen lately? Just curious.

The Onion

Hillarious

[cdinca]

I agree that Juno was a pretentious piece of crap. I don't necessarily mind a pretentious movie, but it has to be good.

This felt like a film student's final project...for which I would have given them an A-. But for a "real movie" it was just plain bad. The Mad TV Juno skit was way funnier than the movie.

[iCafe]

Why do I get the feeling iCafe's review of this movie was copied and pasted from somewhere else? :wink:.

because thats exactly what i did
i agreed with the review and copied it
i am a man of great importance
you think i have the time in my day
to sit and write a review on some chick flick
get a grip brother
anyway i will use all the tools i need to prove
this movie sucked.
hollywood really liked this movie
but half of hollywood is on coke and the other half is on coke

[OJsakila]

i too agree with this, i cafe. it is not the movie that people make it out to be, this is a movie that could have only happened to white people, had this happened to be a mexican or black person this movie would not have made it, as much as it sadly did..



Yea, blacks and mexicans don't get knocked up.





What planet are you on? J/k

[Hayesimus]

you don't know if movies are bad until you watch them.

i do. any of them with the M N S sticker are a given :p

[coasts]

juno wasnt great for what it was, but what it wasnt. it wasnt a product of the hollywood machine that spits movies out without any concern beyond the bottom line or care for social responsibility. it wasnt a rehash of something that was once great and would now be sure to bring in box office dollars based on past performance (Rocky, Rambo, TMNT, Transformers...). it wasnt in-your-face-indie as to alienate a certain population and give rise to another.

it was just a decent little film. i'm glad i saw it, although, it doesnt rank as a defining moment in my life. Harold and Maude does. As does Being There.

i do wish they had kept the VU tune off the soundtrack. Hi ho.

[jjvaldez]

Yea, blacks and mexicans don't get knocked up.





What planet are you on? J/k

haha sorry i didnt say that right,

im not making this a huge deal but im just saying that blacks and mexicans get knocked up and its a bad thing, white these white teens do it and its a nice peaceful story....

im just being dumb i guess...

[OJsakila]

haha sorry i didnt say that right,

im not making this a huge deal but im just saying that blacks and mexicans get knocked up and its a bad thing, white these white teens do it and its a nice peaceful story....

im just being dumb i guess...


LOL! No, you're right. I know exactly what you're saying. :laugh2:

[coasts]

haha sorry i didnt say that right,

im not making this a huge deal but im just saying that blacks and mexicans get knocked up and its a bad thing, white these white teens do it and its a nice peaceful story....

im just being dumb i guess...

cue Don Imus

[iCafe]

haha sorry i didnt say that right,

im not making this a huge deal but im just saying that blacks and mexicans get knocked up and its a bad thing, white these white teens do it and its a nice peaceful story....

im just being dumb i guess...

awwwwwwwwwwwww how sweet:

http://gossipgalore.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/jamie-lynn-spears-and-boyfriend-casey-aldridge-jamie-lynn-spears-pregnant-at-16-december-20-2007.jpg

Babys having babys smh:

http://lonestartimes.com/images/2007/05/middle_school_pregnant_teens.jpg


WHITE POWER!!!!

[projectdarkside]

What does the word "Juno" mean?

[jjvaldez]

PDS I dont wanna be a jerk did but you can goole that ****... No need for this post .....

[OJsakila]

PDS I dont wanna be a jerk did but you can goole that ****... No need for this post .....


Or this one...

[projectdarkside]

PDS I dont wanna be a jerk did but you can goole that ****... No need for this post .....Nah its no problem bro lol! I was giving another member the chance to answer that question but ok:tounge:

[iCafe]

PDS I dont wanna be a jerk did but you can goole that ****... No need for this post .....
but if he uses google how can he continue to rack up 1,000 posts a month??

[Hayesimus]

WHOA. can you feel the JJLOVE?

[projectdarkside]

but if he uses google how can he continue to rack up 1,000 posts a month??Forget you iCafe:angry:!!

[cdinca]

I like flowers :)

[Hondamaker]

Why do I get the feeling iCafe's review of this movie was copied and pasted from somewhere else? :wink:

Meh. I liked it. Of course I didn't analyze the poop out it, so maybe that's why. I'm curious for those of you who hated it, what's the best movie you've seen lately? Just curious.The Bucket List---awesome for a comedy/drama. Can't go wrong with Nicholson/Freeman.

[Hondamaker]

juno wasnt great for what it was, but what it wasnt. it wasnt a product of the hollywood machine that spits movies out without any concern beyond the bottom line or care for social responsibility. it wasnt a rehash of something that was once great and would now be sure to bring in box office dollars based on past performance (Rocky, Rambo, TMNT, Transformers...). it wasnt in-your-face-indie as to alienate a certain population and give rise to another.

it was just a decent little film. i'm glad i saw it, although, it doesnt rank as a defining moment in my life. Harold and Maude does. As does Being There.

i do wish they had kept the VU tune off the soundtrack. Hi ho.I liked it too, just as I enjoyed the classics Harold and Maude and Being There (love Peter Sellers).
Juno wasn't a great movie by any stretch of the imagination, but it was entertaining nevertheless.

[acosmichippo]

What does the word "Juno" mean?

if i remember correctly from the movie Juno was Jupiter's wife in Roman mythology.

[projectdarkside]

Cool man I like Roman Mythology
-Juno: is queen of the gods, the wife and sister of the god Jupiter (http://encarta.msn.com/encyclopedia_761564260/Jupiter_%28mythology%29.html). She was the protector of women and was worshiped under several names. The month of June was named after Juno.

So your memory was correct :laugh2:

[Mrs. iCafe]

You're looking for reality? It's a comedy... you show me a realistic comedy, both in writing and in premise.

and your description of the lead character:

"appallingly self-righteous"

is just too good coming from you. Thanks for that one!


LMAO!! Well he got ya there!!!:tounge:

[Mrs. iCafe]

haha sorry i didnt say that right,

im not making this a huge deal but im just saying that blacks and mexicans get knocked up and its a bad thing, white these white teens do it and its a nice peaceful story....

im just being dumb i guess...


I totally agree with ya!:wink:

[Mrs. iCafe]

awwwwwwwwwwwww how sweet:

http://gossipgalore.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/jamie-lynn-spears-and-boyfriend-casey-aldridge-jamie-lynn-spears-pregnant-at-16-december-20-2007.jpg

Babys having babys smh:

http://lonestartimes.com/images/2007/05/middle_school_pregnant_teens.jpg


WHITE POWER!!!!


Lmao!! Oh boy! Your soo bad!:rolleyes:

[acosmichippo]

i think the one on the left is just fat.

[Hayesimus]

I love roman and greek mythology. Really any mythology. The Egyptians are another favorite. Ask me anything you want about mythology and I'll find the answer. I have a HUGE book on the stuff sitting one foot from me! lol

Apparently Hera/Juno lead a revolt against Zeus/Jupiter. She along with many of the other gods and goddesses bound him with leather thong while he was sleeping. He was eventually freed and as punishment, tied Hera's hands to the roof beam of the palace and tied anvils to her feet. He only released her when all the other gods and goddesses agreed to never revolt again.


Just FYI

[iCafe]

Forget you iCafe:angry:!!

i was just joking, no hard feeling's bro

[coasts]

this Mrs. iCafe girl is funny. cute, too. what are the chances that she could be single and in New York?

[iCafe]

this Mrs. iCafe girl is funny. cute, too. what are the chances that she could be single and in New York?

Good Question!
i think she like's rappers
I will send her your music video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Buy8dLlfBZE

[coasts]

Good Question!
i think she like's rappers

damn, she's basser and im metalhead.

it could never work.

[iCafe]

damn, she's basser and im metalhead.

it could never work.

Come on man i didnt know you were down with opp

[coasts]

Come on man i didnt know you were down with opp

well, you know me...

[iCafe]

well, you know me...

Who's down with OPP ?

[Saverino]

I reallllly hate to say this, but I agree with *gulp*, iCafe. I didnt like the movie either.

[iamtko]

i didn't read any of the thread because i don't have that much time to waste but,

Juno > creator of this thread.

[ColsTiger]

http://i31.tinypic.com/24y1bit.jpg
EVERYONE convinces themselves they loved the movie
so that they don't feel STUPID.

I disagree. I thought it was hilarious.

[Indy]

I too, was told how HILARIOUS this movie was and got suckered into wasting a couple hours of my life. I mean, sure it was kinda cute and funny and juno's smartass remarks and all but they got old after the first 30 minutes or so. I kept expecting it to pick up a little on the humor side but it never really did for me.:wink:



iCafe: well, you know me :tounge:

[projectdarkside]

Well since I havnt seen it yet and everyone says that the movie was horrible guess where I'm going. . .UTORRENT!!:tounge:

[acosmichippo]

honestly, until i read this thread, i had not heard one other person say anything negative about it... and i asked a LOT of people.

i guess we're the (not so) silent majority?

[projectdarkside]

Maybe your that big Arnold Schwarznegger looking guy and noone wants to say no to you haha!
http://www.moonbattery.com/archives/arnold-schwarzenegger.jpg

Or maybe you look like a walking tank!! :D
http://www.adhurl.com/uploads/Body%20builder-thumb.jpg

[acosmichippo]

looks like his junk is on steroids too... yech.

[aknightstale41]

I was suprised Juno was nominated for best picture,.. but to me it wasnt a horrible film.
A great film imo is "Kiss of the Dragon" with Jet Li.....definately not a chick flick.

[callisto9]

because thats exactly what i did
i agreed with the review and copied it
i am a man of great importance
you think i have the time in my day
to sit and write a review on some chick flick
get a grip brother
anyway i will use all the tools i need to prove
this movie sucked.
You apparently have the time of day to read the many reviews, find the one you like and then pass it off as your own. I think you've got time.

You can't PROVE a movie sucks. Impossible.

I might take your review seriously if IT WAS YOUR OWN.

[acosmichippo]

you can't prove a movie doesn't suck either.

[aknightstale41]

Maybe your that big Arnold Schwarznegger looking guy and noone wants to say no to you haha!
http://www.moonbattery.com/archives/arnold-schwarzenegger.jpg

Or maybe you look like a walking tank!! :D
http://www.adhurl.com/uploads/Body%20builder-thumb.jpg
Holy growth hormones batman,...is this a real human being or is this a photo shop pic?... Those biceps have to be close to 30 inches around....Arnold at his best had 22 inch biceps.

[acosmichippo]

i think that's more than 30... probably closer to 40. anyway, its definitely not real. that's just not biologically possible. i think the world record is 28 or so...

[Hayesimus]

arnold's arms are way bigger than my legs even...

[iCafe]

Well hello there, poster i never heard of
DO you not know i am a legend around here
Have some respect
kids these days..
so to answer your p.p.
(pointless post)

You apparently have the time of day to read the many reviews, find the one you like and then pass it off as your own. I think you've got time.
how about you google, "juno sucked"
read the first two reviews..
and those are the ones i copied
took me all of 1 second to prove this movie sucked
so apparently i dont have "the time of day"
also i did not pass it off as my own
if you would read the text you quoted
you could see that


You can't PROVE a movie sucks. Impossible.

I already proved this movie sucked
my perception is my reality
get familiar
aside from that majority rules and more people agree than dont
Fun Fact : Juno Sucked.

I might take your review seriously if IT WAS YOUR OWN.
I might take your opinion seriously
if this wasnt the first time i ever saw any of your posts on this board
I dont even care or know who you are lmao

Fun Joke
Q: What kind of person jumps to the defense of a movie such as "juno"
A: The kind of person iCafe would never like to meet in person, This is the reason iCafe avoids going to the YMCA.

[psylichon]

lol...

http://www.ronaldreagan.com/forums/images/smilies/old_ubb_smilies/popcorn.gif

[projectdarkside]

Da. . .Dang iCafe:tounge:
-I think you just made him cry, I bet he wont ever speak against you ever again ROFL!!