Know any funny jokes? Tell them here!

[Hayesimus]

So. How do you catch a unique rabbit?













.........
......
.......
..........
........
You-neek up on him.



How do you catch a tame rabbit?























tame way!

[macgirl]

why don't monsters eat clowns?
















because they taste funny!

this is, by far, my favorite halloween joke. i think i've told it to everyone i know at least twice. i find it so hilarious and i'm not quite sure why. simple minds, simple pleasures, i guess...

[Hayesimus]

that is hilarious! i love jokes like that. Simple, clean, and yet still funny!

[ColsTiger]

What do you call 700 lawyers at the bottom of the Atlantic?










A good start!

[kokogirl]

Buffy tells good jokes. Maybe she can post a new one here.

Joke telling is not my forte.

[Eragon]

Hayes, here's one for you:


What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?

Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup!

[Hondamaker]

Two rubbers walk into a gay bar (they see Hayes) and one says to the other,
"looks like we're gonna get sh*t-faced!".

[Hayesimus]

scowls at hondamaker...

[Hondamaker]

scowls at hondamaker...
I was almost laughing too hard to type when I posted that one! I'm an a-hole, I know.....LOL

[Hayesimus]

I was almost laughing too hard to type when I posted that one! I'm an a-hole, I know.....LOL

If that's the case then i met a couple a condoms that would love to meet ya! hahaha

[Hondamaker]

If that's the case then i met a couple a condoms that would love to meet ya! hahahaA-HA! You were in that gay bar!!

[Eragon]

How does a pig go to hospital?


In a hambulance

[Buffy]

::wicked giggle::

A woman was out golfing when she hit the ball into the woods. Looking in the woods for her ball she found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will receive, but ten times greater than yours!"

The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to."

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman he will have eyes only for me."

She became the most beautiful woman in the world.

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and ten times richer than you."

The woman said, "That's good, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."

So, she's becomes the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

[Hondamaker]

Ha! That's a good one!

[coasts]

a bear walks into a bar, sits down and calls for the bartender. bartender comes over and says "what'llya have?" the bear says "give me a gin"...

..."and tonic." bartender says "sure, but why the big pause?" bear says "i'm a bear. i was born with them"






maybe it only works out loud.

[Hayesimus]

i dunno it didn't really work well outloud for me either. lol

[Eragon]

What's the difference between erotic and kinky?

Erotic = using a feather

Kinky = using the whole chicken

[Hayesimus]

as in chokin it?!

[Eragon]

On a cold, cold night two bulls are standing in a field. One says "Boy it's mighty cold out here!", the other says "Yes, I think I might slip into a nice Jersey".

[Hayesimus]

haha. at first i was like... cows wearing sweaters?.... lol


do you know what caterpillars are afraid of?...











doggerpillars... :P

[Eragon]

Why did the fish get kicked out of school?


Cause he was caught with seaweed.

[Youngbinks]

An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and relieves himself on the woman's head.
"Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper."

"What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."

[Eragon]

What did the ghost say to the Bee?
Boo-BEE

[Buffy]

I was at the mall the other day eating at the food court. I noticed an old man watching a teenager sitting next to him.

The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors, green,
red, orange, and blue. The old man kept staring at him.

The teenager would look and find the old man staring every
time. When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked,
"What's the matter, old man, never done anything wild in your life?"
The old man did not bat an eye in his response,
"Got drunk once and had sex with a pea****. I was just
wondering if you were my son."

[Eragon]

What is invisable and smells like carrots?

Rabbit farts.

[Buffy]

Sorry, am cutting and pasting from my list of favorite jokes, and I can't get the bold off:


When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him, and during her questions about his life , she asked him how he had sex ?

"Tarzan not know sex" he replied. Jane explained to him what sex was.
Tarzan said "Oh,....Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree."
Horrified Jane said, " Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly."
She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground. "Here" she
said, pointing to her privates, "you must put it in here."

Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable
manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her in the crotch !

Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.

Eventually she managed to grasp for air and screamed " What did
you do that for ?"

Tarzan replied, "Check for squirrel."

[Eragon]

Too funny. :laugh2:

One night a policewoman pulls over a drunk driver.
She politely asks him to step out of his car. He willingly does so.
She says, "Anything you say can and will be Held against you."
He replies "BREASTS."

[Buffy]

Haha! Something tells me that what he got was CUFFS.

[Eragon]

A woman and man get into a car accident. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt.

After they crawl out of the wreckage, the woman says, "Wow, look at our cars - there's nothing left! Thank God we are all right. This must be a sign from Him that we should be friends and not try to pin the blame on each other."

The man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely."

The woman points to a bottle on the ground and says, "And here's another miracle. Somehow this bottle of Scotch from my back seat didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this Scotch and celebrate our good fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, and chugs about a third of the bottle to calm his nerves. He then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."

[Hayesimus]

haha. very funny. especially at the "checking for squirrel."

[acosmichippo]

where do you find a no-legged dog?





































right where you left him.

[Eragon]

A man was having an affair with another woman and his wife found out about it, so she told him "If you don't end it now I'm gonna go downtown to the post office where you work and tell everyone I see that you're a no good cheating filthy bum."

The husband replied "You're gonna go downtown to the post office where I work and tell everyone you see that I'm a no good cheating filthy bum?"

She said "Yea that's right".

The husband held out an envelope and said "Mail this"

[Hayesimus]

..Any more?

[Eragon]

These are real comments made by teachers on their student report cards.

1. Since my last report, your child has hit rock bottom and has started to dig.

2. I would not allow this student to breed.

3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.

4. Your child is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

6. The student has a "full six-pack" but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

7. This child has been working with glue too much.

8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.

9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.

12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead

[up10ad]

A single mom is trying her best to raise her 8 and 10 year old boys but they always seem to get into trouble. They are so mischievous that whenever anything happens in the neighborhood they are the first to be suspected, and most of the time the they are to blame.

Mom is ready to try anything to get them to behave and when she is at church one Sunday she mentions the problem to the pastor, who has a wonderfully behaved son of his own. The preacher explains that he has instilled his son with the knowledge that God lives within each of us, and that he sees it when we do bad things, and he is very ashamed of us. The preacher offered to speak to the two ill-behaved boys and try to explain to them that God lives within each of us.

This sounded like a great idea, and the next morning the 8 year old went to the pastors residence while his older brother was scheduled to come later in the day for his lesson. When the youngster arrived, the pastor, a 6'4" man with a booming preaching voice, sat the little rascal in a chair, stood over him and asked "DO YOU KNOW WHERE GOD IS?" The boy was immediately shaken and didn't quite know how to answer. The pastor repeated "DO YOU KNOW WHERE GOD IS?" Hearing no answer from the terrified boy the pastor raised his voice and repeated a third time "DO YOU KNOW WHERE GOD IS?"

They boy jumped from his chair and bolted from the house and ran all the way home. He rushed into the house, ran to his brother and said "We're really in trouble now, God is missing and they thing we had something to do with it".