Chuck Norris [Archive] - iPhone Forums

voldak

11-12-2007, 02:45 AM

Funny you should mention Chuck Norris....I actually live in the hometown of Chuck Norris. He is on our water tower, they have a small museum for him here, etc...

Lincoln

11-12-2007, 01:06 PM

I wouldn't be surprised if Chuck had an iPhone.

Tinman

11-12-2007, 02:15 PM

When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.

--
Mike

borica1064

11-12-2007, 03:29 PM

I bet if Chuck Norris does have an iphone he roundhouse kicked it and un-locked his and everyone's iphone in Texas!

iamtko

11-14-2007, 04:46 PM

I bet if Chuck Norris does have an iphone he roundhouse kicked it and un-locked his and everyone's iphone in Texas!

he does, and he did.

to this day i cannot get service from apple...

Resident Plarp

11-14-2007, 06:38 PM

When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.

Chuck Norris is the actual inventor of KFC's secret recipe. While KFC only mentions eleven ingredients, no one talks about the twelfth ingredient; fear.

bfakhroo

11-14-2007, 07:01 PM

Chuck Norris was once put on the wrapper for a toilet paper company, the company field tested it and it didn't work because Chuck Norris doesn't take crap from nobody.

iamtko

11-14-2007, 07:12 PM

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad the man has never cried

Resident Plarp

11-14-2007, 10:42 PM

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

adseguy

11-15-2007, 12:21 AM

JFK didn't actually get assassinated. Chuck Norris flew back in time and caught all the bullets in his beard. JFK's head blew up in shear amazement.

Hondamaker

11-15-2007, 02:29 AM

This may be the funniest thread I've ever read! Keep'em coming!

psylichon

11-15-2007, 03:06 AM

What's underneath Chuck Norris' beard?

Another fist.

radmonkeyx

11-15-2007, 10:36 AM

Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime

Lester56

11-15-2007, 11:20 AM

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice!

http://www.chucknorrisjokes.net/

Rip

11-15-2007, 12:49 PM

Chuck Norris was once mistaken for someone who can act.

yapstuz

11-15-2007, 02:48 PM

Chuck Norris had sex before his dad did.

Tinman

11-15-2007, 03:15 PM

Chuck Norris pissed in a flower pot and Boy George turned into a blooming idiot...

--
Mike

iamtko

11-15-2007, 03:21 PM

when chuck norris gets water on him he doesn't get wet, the water gets chuck norris'd

Resident Plarp

11-15-2007, 07:58 PM

When Chuck Norris was born, one of the nurses exclaimed "That's Chuck Norris!" and had sex with him on the spot.

By that time, she was the third person Chuck Norris had had intercourse with.

reas0n

11-15-2007, 10:24 PM

http://i54.photobucket.com/albums/g83/reas0n411/ChuckNorris.png

saw this t-shirt in a little store while i was on vacation took a photo with my iphone edited it in photoshop because my hand was a little unsteady and it blurred a bit

acosmichippo

11-15-2007, 10:54 PM

Chuck Norris can Copy & Paste on his iPhone.

Resident Plarp

11-15-2007, 11:25 PM

Chuck Norris, Grand Vizier of Persia in the tenth century, carried his library with him wherever he went. The 117,000 volumes were carried by 400 camels which were trained to walk in alphabetical order.

reas0n

11-15-2007, 11:34 PM

In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.

Resident Plarp

11-15-2007, 11:38 PM

Chuck Norris does not run with the bulls.

He walks.

reas0n

11-15-2007, 11:46 PM

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

acosmichippo

11-16-2007, 12:05 AM

Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting - that implies the possibility failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

reas0n

11-16-2007, 12:12 AM

chuck norris once round house kicked a horse in the chin...its descendants are now known as giraffes

acosmichippo

11-16-2007, 01:42 AM

Superman wears Chuck Norris pijamas.

OJsakila

11-16-2007, 02:45 AM

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad the man has never cried

He'd be crying his ass off if he had to read these silly comments...

acosmichippo

11-16-2007, 03:06 AM

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

reas0n

11-16-2007, 03:15 AM

When Chuck Norris was a child he didnt wet the bed the bed wet itself in fear

bfakhroo

11-16-2007, 05:51 AM

-Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

-The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

reas0n

11-16-2007, 09:14 AM

When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.

Resident Plarp

11-16-2007, 09:30 AM

Chuck Norris owns an impressive collection of point masses, frictionless surfaces, and ideal pulleys.

reas0n

11-16-2007, 09:38 AM

Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own body.

moze

11-16-2007, 12:21 PM

when chuck norris does push ups..he doesnt push himself up..he pushes down the earth!!!

Resident Plarp

11-16-2007, 02:03 PM

Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

reas0n

11-16-2007, 02:12 PM

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Liv

11-16-2007, 03:09 PM

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

Muah ah ah ah!

psylichon

11-16-2007, 03:09 PM

Chuck Norris just bought 3 Iphones.

With cash.

Resident Plarp

11-16-2007, 03:21 PM

If you re-arrange the letters in Vin Diesel's name it spells out his credo; "I End Lives."

note; Spelling Vin Diesel in Scrabble wins the game, forever.

iamtko

11-16-2007, 03:47 PM

If you re-arrange the letters in Vin Diesel's name it spells out his credo; "I End Lives."

note; Spelling Vin Diesel in Scrabble wins the game, forever.

if you're Vin Deisel fan you shouldn't even be on the internet. instead you should be at your moms house, coloring. hoping that your next picture will make it on the fridgerator, BUT IT WONT because elephants aren't pink you idiot.

(a joke by Daniel Tosh, slightly modefied)

Resident Plarp

11-16-2007, 03:48 PM

I'm not into movies starring retarded monkeys. :s

musicmanmu

11-16-2007, 03:56 PM

Chuck Norris is so awesome, he cannot be blended:

http://www.willitblend.com/videos.aspx?type=unsafe&video=chuck

psylichon

11-16-2007, 04:00 PM

^^^ lol, and I thought mine was good...

Resident Plarp

11-16-2007, 04:10 PM

Chuck Norris is so awesome, he cannot be blended ...

That's right. When Chuck Norris is thrown in a blender, Chuck Norris does not get blended, the blender gets Chuck Norris. :D

iamtko

11-16-2007, 04:13 PM

I'm not into movies starring retarded monkeys. :s

YOU SIR ARE AMAZING!

DANIEL TOSH IS THE FUNNIEST MAN ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hondamaker

11-17-2007, 01:59 AM

Is Chuck Norris by any chance related to one Bill Brasky? (http://www.wattfarm.com/blog/archives/000301.html)

acosmichippo

11-17-2007, 02:19 AM

Is Chuck Norris by any chance related to one Bill Brasky? (http://www.wattfarm.com/blog/archives/000301.html)

No, for Chuck Norris that's a "slow Tuesday".

blah

11-27-2007, 09:56 AM

....I actually live in the hometown of Chuck Norris. He is on our water tower...

You mean like standing on your water tower? Shooting laser beams out of his eyes and destroying the whole town?

Doby45

11-27-2007, 11:18 AM

Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.

Doby45

11-27-2007, 11:18 AM

The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.

Doby45

11-27-2007, 11:19 AM

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

blah

11-27-2007, 11:24 AM

Chuck Norris created the iPhone when he swalled a 1970s rotary telephone whole and excreted a brand new, fully packaged iPhone four minutes later.

836byK9

11-30-2007, 01:08 PM

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood he refuses the syringe and asks for a handgun and a bucket.

When Chuck Norris works out on the Total Gym the Total Gym feels like its just been raped.

CNN was originally created as the Chuck Norris Network for on-the-spot ass kicking in real time.

electoman

11-30-2007, 01:21 PM

I can't believe this one is still going!

Doby45

11-30-2007, 01:25 PM

I can't believe this one is still going!

and then Chuck Norris round-house kicked you in the face. Twice.

Lester56

11-30-2007, 01:26 PM

I can't believe this one is still going!

I adore this thread!!

Hondamaker

11-30-2007, 01:32 PM

I adore this thread!!Chuck Norris kills any man who uses the word 'adore'.

836byK9

11-30-2007, 01:41 PM

Chuck Norris is what Willis was talkin bout.

Doby45

11-30-2007, 01:48 PM

If Chuck Norris round-house kicks you, you will die. If Chuck Norris' misses you with the round-house kick, the wind behind the kick will tear out your pancreas.

In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.

Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.

Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will bite your damn eyes off.

Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Chuck Norris will beat his ass and take it.

Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.

Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives.

For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.

iamtko

11-30-2007, 03:31 PM

i thought this was pretty awesome.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=QTwK0Z8hn6o

mittenman

11-30-2007, 03:40 PM

i thought this was pretty awesome.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=QTwK0Z8hn6o

You thought correctly! Chuck's fist shall bring peace to Earth.

x999x

11-30-2007, 08:05 PM

Chuck Norris doesn't Teabag, he Potato Sacks.

Rockky

11-30-2007, 11:10 PM

Cmon that tupee' is an absolute fashion violation with anything...... let alone the iPhone.

Do you guys think Chuck Norris has an iPhone? are there any chuck apps?? someone should look into this...alot of potential here!!!